Because they tested a lot of chemicals on me in clinical situations and because I was forced to take these chemicals I have conquered a lot of different mindsets. Literally. Although tortured this way, I kept on studying and developing diamond models. If I need to develop a new one, I actively get my mind in a state I call ‘Einstein mode’. In that mindset I am very relaxed and very high associative. I try to analyze and connect all the knowledge in my mind in a structured way of a new diamond model. I remember developing my first model, I got a headache of thinking all connections through. Usually after activating ‘Einstein mode’ I get exhausted and very sleepy.
Another mode is not producing but absorbing knowledge. I can have very deep dreams in which new knowledge is available when I wake up. I don’t know for sure but there are very ancient Chinese techniques to connect with the universe and ancestors knowledge. I called it my Yin mode. Knowledge gathered in these dreams I usually translate to realistic governing knowledge to share.
Another mode is pure Yang I call it. I am tense, have high attention to react on changes in my environment (nothing to do with anger, still open and loving mind) live in the moment and reflect any thought on a timeline. If it is in the future, I save it in my mind for growthacking once and a while a new diamond model. The attention is in the now and with amazed curiosity I explore my environment and the people in it. Usually people react on me and connect trustfully. If my mind is tortured with antipsychotics it gets an aggressive state of mind I have to correct. That’s not difficult, people, especially children and also animals in my environment react on me with distance. They don’t trust this chemical weird creature. It is a burden for me and every time I request less antipsychotics but then again I got forced to take these chemicals. Lately they injected with stuff and I almost died because I wasn’t in a psychose so my mind didn’t need the chemicals.
Psychose I define as a state of mind when hypothetical mindsets are related to input by senses exploring my surroundings. Usually I am feared (cause threatened to a new period of isolation or chemical torture). The fear gives not expected reactions and the torture starts again and again and again for months. All these 20 years they tortured me because of my knowledge of my diamond model and my stories related to sharing these knowledge addressed as delucions and hallucinations, for me real life with real interactions with my (digital) environments. Right now I am addicted to these chemicals, not allowed by any means to diminish the amount. Forced by law (Dutch rm) I can not do anything else than undergo this torture.
I remember my life (sadness here) when I was allowed to live without these chemicals, had always a relaxed and loving mind and be a very creative workaholic doing the most complex change projects in the most complex technological environments. So sorry, a psychiatrist disturbed my life. I am grateful I am still a living creature and in my case (the psychatrist I dont know) I can look in the mirror, be amazed that there is still a breathing miracle in love and peace with the environment. I do no harm, something the psychiatrists can’t tell.