Hope and law – transform fear into love

Before a closed mind dares to think about hope, it can take years of nonviolent proximity to get trusted. Contact, always contact. Listening, always listening. Showing identity and live up to it, to be able to get trusted, movements to meet the expectations the forced mind slowly dares to allow.

To talk about hope the WRAP methodology is a useful tool. It is about listening to how someone survives and tries to get structure in life. Structure instead of chaos means predictability, mostly fear cause they can get caught. The creative genius of a closed mind is usual endless. Patience the only tool to let closed, feared minds slowly transfer THEMSELVES into lovin attitudes. 

A lovin attitude differs from a caring one in the situation that it takes first care for itself. Only after being self served by self love it is able to share love. Otherwise care is out of attention seeking driven attitude, not caring but self care for the person given the care.

Don’t let me tell about the amount of nurses I met who couldn’t take emotionally care for themselves and became caring bitches in the clinic. Serving the laws of the psychiatrist with its sadistic mind. All out of the name of care, payed by insurance. If not payed, get out, immediately. So, that’s the Dutch care. Probably my insurance could easily be tapped cause they lock me up for months regular. Something to do with working hours per clients and crossing limits.

I was glad I had my own, little, cheap house on a beautiful location. It gave me over and over the possibility to heal again in my shelter. While sharing with peers our experiences, totally not understood this kind of torture by the rest of society. I managed to love myself more and more, being grateful that I am still alive and being humble cause I see so many poverty around me. I am lucky, payed still 70% of my loan 20 years ago I exceed most loans of nurses in the clinics. So I am not allowed to complain, compared to my peers I am very rich.

With my money, my time and my lovin attitude I respect people and if necessary I give a hand. Mostly by listening, reflecting. I got even certified for this patience as ‘ervaringsdeskundig’ and ‘recovery coach’. Both I did for volunteering. But the torture didn’t stop. It got more intensive when I started to connect to my old self again, my own identity, my technology knowledge and my diamond model. 

I started sharing my knowledge internationally by the internet where I found my own source of hope. By november 20th 2016 I felt wholehearted and starting acting as such. Totally not understood in the psychiatric environment cause I needed care, complains should there be. So they started forcing me to release my international source of hope.

But I knew from the past that if I bowed to their forced requests again I couldn’t handle the mind pain anymore, so I stick still to my hope. In the meantime I realized more and more by sharing digitally my knowledge internationally. The clinic harmed my body over and over but is not allowed to harm my mind again. I keep my wholehearted loving attitude no matter what.

I share with who passes by (cause isolation due to new clinical times became worse). I hope buurtteamsutrecht.nl takes care for me as a normal person, not believing the fantasies of the psychiatrist. But that’s only hope. I still suffer, because people in my environment don’t respect me, my house, the needed reparation of my roof and my normal legal rights as a Dutch civilian. They use religious laws and psychiatric laws to belittle me. They do out of superiority and under the pretext of care. 

But my loving attitude and my international sources of hope gives me a happy life every day. I hope before the winter my leaking roof will be repaired. I asked for help and it won’t surprise me if they lock me up again. Freedom in the Netherlands. I know in that case what I celebrate may 4-5 and may 9th. I know. To my international source of hope I stated several time, what’s next and new torture came. I am curious again, what’s next.

To transform from fear to love law is needed. And the law is bad in the Netherlands with regard to my case. Can’t help, I am only realistic and live by the rules as explained in my contact page. So…next??